Month: June 2014

Have You Ever Welcomed the Darkness?

/ kellyfbarr / Leave a comment

     Here I am in the darkness again.  It’s become such a familiar place that today I feel comfortable here and don’t want to leave.  To leave would mean to go out into the light, and the light is where my pain comes from.  It’s what drives me to the darkness.

     I haven’t been this far into the darkness for a long time; to the place where I want to be left all alone; to the place where I am emotionally exhausted.  I take refuge in my room, but envision myself sitting alone in a dark corner of a cave.  It’s cold in here, but I feel safe, away from all the hands.

     The hands are in the light, always reaching for me — wanting.  They always want me to give:  time, attention, love; things from deep within me, but they don’t give much back in return and sooner or later, I end up here in the darkness, emotionally exhausted.

     I try to explain to them, two in particular, that they are hurting me.  I try to encourage them to look beyond themselves but my words seem to bounce right off, not getting through, having no effect.  Even my tears find no softness, apologies or compassion.

     I have cried out to God, begging and pleading with Him to open their eyes and hearts, to draw them to Himself, that they could learn to love each other, many times in the past.  I know He has heard every word, but even He chooses to do nothing.

     So, today, I didn’t even bother to pray.  I couldn’t find the strength or desire to send up another prayer for two hardened hearts.

     My heart is broken and, I suspect, the many tears I have shed will be followed by many more, and I am sure I will revisit this dark place of comfort again.

     Though I wish I could remain here, alone in the darkness a while longer, I will dig deep within, to the vast reserves of strength I believe the Lord placed within me a long time ago, and go forth to the light, and those groping hands, because I love them all with the love of the Lord and will continue to do so until the very last drop of that reserve strength is gone.

What About Happy Endings?

/ kellyfbarr / Leave a comment

  Does everything you write have a happy ending?  Do you think everything should have a happy ending?

A couple of years ago, I wanted to teach a class based on the book The Boy in the Striped Pajamas by John Boyne, and a couple of moms said, “Do you know how that story ends?  It doesn’t have a happy ending?” 

Before I could respond, one of the co-op leaders responded, “Life doesn’t always have a happy ending, and that book is about a time in history that didn’t really have a happy ending.”  (And they let me teach the class.)

That is one example of why some writing just can’t have a happy ending.  If it’s based on something historical and that historical event didn’t have a happy ending, you simply can’t have a happy ending.  Does that mean that what you write isn’t good or worth reading?  Absolutely not.  I found The Boy in the Striped Pajamas to be very well-written, and it was moving and thought-provoking.

It’s okay to write something sad.  What we write should be realistic and believable, even if it’s fiction, and since life is not always happy and doesn’t always have a happy ending, not all of our writing should or can have happy endings either.  We simply have to accept the fact that, when we write something that doesn’t have a happy ending, it won’t appeal to people who prefer to read only those writings with happy endings, but then, nothing any of us write will appeal to everyone anyway, but everything we write will most likely appeal to someone, and, if we are blessed, it will appeal to lots of someones.

So, if you are contemplating writing something that will not have a happy ending, and have been hesitating, stop hesitating and start writing.  Someone out there may just need to read whatever it is you’re contemplating.  There are plenty of people in the world going through difficulties, struggles, sad times, and it can make them feel better and less alone to know that someone else out there feels the same way, or can, at least, relate to them.

Life’s Curveballs

/ kellyfbarr / Leave a comment

Before I write about what’s currently going on in my writing life, I just want to share one of life’s curveballs.  Sometimes I think I will never succeed in my writing because other life priorities keep eating my time.  I know what you’re thinking because I’ve heard it before — “make time for your writing; make your writing a priority.”  I know that’s important, but for me there are other things that are even more important, or I should say people who are more important — my husband, my children, my parents and in-laws — all of the people I love, and I am currently at that place in life where I am needed by my children and my parents and in-laws. 

Recently, my mother needed open-heart surgery and in the beginning, we were on a roller coaster ride as she would have a good day followed by a day with a setback, then another good day followed by a worse setback.  For three days I didn’t do much except cry and pray to ask God to heal my mother and not take her from me yet.  Going through all of that, I couldn’t have written anything if I had really wanted to.  My emotions and my brain were totally overwhelmed with Mom’s well-being.

I praise the Lord now that she is doing much better, though she is still in the hospital.  She is no longer in I.C.U. and she continues to grow stronger and healthier each day, but she still has a long way to go, and she tires very easily, and she still gets discouraged.  So I need to be there for her to encourage her, to pray for her, to be ready to care for her when she comes home, which I look forward to doing.

Therefore, if I continue to be missing from this site frequently, I hope you will understand.  One thing that will make it easier is the fact that I now have a laptop of my very own, so I will be able to take it with me almost anywhere I go so that I can try to squeeze some writing in during short breaks in the days.

I’m still studying by reading as much as I can and attending any writers’ conferences, workshops and my local writers’ group as much as possible.  I have my local writers’ group next Saturday and I’m looking into attending a one-day writers’ workshop in September and I will be attending one in October.  I am also studying the Christian Writer’s Guide for  2014 to see where I might be able to submit some writing.  I have been told, recently, that it’s a good idea to do some things like magazine articles, devotionals and short stories to submit to different publications to help generate a steady income, as writing books takes much more time until finished product and possible publication and pay.

Our last writers’ group taught us that we may want to consider publishing our own book because it’s very practical and affordable in today’s world with E-books and online publishing opportunities.  It is best to have an agent if you are publishing for a royalty publishing house.  The best way to get an agent is to meet them at a conference and pitch your book to them.  It is very difficult to find and get an agent, and could take you the rest of your life, so don’t wait to write until you find an agent.